Problems with Punishing

Several real-life incidents have helped me see the practical problems with using punishment in a school, home or society. One of the serious problems is that punishment can make people afraid to tell the truth.
In homes everyday children are taught to lie in order to protect themselves from being hurt and punished. Children are not born liars. Liars are created by the fear of punishment. "Johnny, do you know where all the cookies went?" "No, Mommy." The emotionally intelligent child will lie more quickly in the face of possible punishment. The emotionally intelligent child will see the signs of his mother's disapproval, he will hear it in her tone of voice. He will quickly process all the information he knows about her, for example, whether she has punished him or others in the past. He will make a decision based on his own survival instinct. If it were not for the fear of punishment, this child would have no reason to lie.

In the above examples we see two categories of problems. One is lying to protect oneself. The other is lying to protect someone else.

Another, more general problem with punishment is that it tends to diminish one's sense of self-worth. A person who is convinced they are worthy of punishment finds it difficult or impossible to feel worthy of love and caring. People who have been excessively punished while growing up have been groomed to be victims of abuse later in life. They lack the self-esteem to assert themselves and set healthy boundaries. They feel deserving of the abuse, just as they felt deserving of the punishment when they were young.

One more problem with punishement is that it does not teach any preferable behavior. For example, forcing a child to write "I will hit people" does not tell the child what to do instead of hitting.

A final problem with punishment is that it does not produce restitution. Restitution rebuilds a person's sense of self-worth and self-esteem, where as punishment diminishes it.

http://eqi.org/punish1.htm